i don’t even know where to begin on explaining how ecstatic i am. i’ve been waiting patiently for this to happen and just the thought of it happening is so surreal to me. i’m probably setting my hopes way too high but i’ve never been this close! i don’t even want to mention this to anyone in case i get jinxed. the minute i heard the amazing news my mind has been so consumed by it i just can’t think of anything else. seriously, the things i would give up for this opportunity… i’d have nothing but the clothes on my back. i know, i sound so dramatic but if only anyone knew how bad i want this. it’s so bad that i don’t care if i sound desperate. i am desperate. and every year was never an option but this year might just be the best fucken year of my life! it’s not even concrete that this thing is going to even happen but just the fact that i have a chance, a strong chance compared to every year, i’m going to remain hopeful. if i get shot down, it’s going to hurt so bad, probably even more than ‘09, but the tease alone will keep me motivated every year. i had a shot at this once and it was a really weak attempt but i feel good about this…
